Portland: A Fanty Tale

Three firsts these past few weeks:

1. It was the first "first week of school" in 19 years that I'm not at school.

2. It was my first week back at work after being in Oregon for a week. Life is soOo rough!

3. My car's low tire pressure sensor lit up and I have to take it in after work. First car trouble. [Note: nothing was wrong with it, Lil Chip just likes to mess with my emotional well-being. He's a lil orange cutie buttootie.]

However, I'm too excited about all the events that occurred in the great state of Oregon, or California's hat, to let any of that get me down. Why did we go? The better question is WHY NOT?? Grant and I had been talking about Portland since probably 2011, always viewing it as some sort of "promised land". What I would've given to be an Oregon Duck (just kidding sort of, I treasure my Hokie days), slap a bird on everything I own and bask in my own self indulgent hipsterness! Fixies, flats, rainbow colored hair, and dreadlocks! The city is SO ME! (that's a joke). So, after a long summer of me working, him taking summer courses, and us being apart, we decided to go. We made a loose itinerary and we were off!

DAYS ONE AND TWO

You might as well call the trip a huge experiment in peer-to-peer social media, because we used Airbnb.com for a place to stay and GetAround.com for a car. Both gave us super cheap alternatives to hotels and car rentals and both worked out very well. We stayed for the first 3 days at a couple's huge townhouse in the Northwest district of Portland. It was only a 9 block walk to the Street Car, which cost a dollar to ride (or not, they never check for tickets). The house was also about 5 blocks from 23rd Street, which is like Northwest's main drag. Think Adams Morgan but cuter. This place was chock full of weird shops, incredible breweries, unicycling bagpipers, dogs, street musicians, and amazing FOOD!

breakfast #1: french bulbaisse something or other

For about 2/3 cheaper than any hotel we could find, we stayed in a room that had its own balcony, private entrance, and private bathroom (okay, we had our own floor). This place was our own Shangri-la filled with funky geisha dolls, studio lights, and paintings. The owner of the house (the legendary and mythological creature they call Nancy) left us lots of notes about the area and gave us options of things to do and places to eat. In the fridge she left fruit and yogurt, and left us a coffee/tea maker and plenty of tea and honey.

how...ironic...of you Nancy

A plus was that Nancy and her husband were out the whole time traveling, so we had the whole house to ourselves (but sadly never got to meet them). Oh, and biggest plus of all? The view of Mount St. Helens from the balcony – these are real MOUNTAINS, not dinky little Virginia hills! These mountains rose from the Portland haze with a subtle eeriness as you could only see their snow topped peaks. We were destined to explore these magnificent mountains and would do so in the days to come, but first we must explore the city of roses.

The first day we went everywhere deemed "touristy" by my Portland guide book: the Japanese gardens (where there was an awesome view of Mt. Hood) International Rose Test Garden, Powell's Books (the largest independent book store in the world, a whole city block and about 3 stories tall), Voo Doo Doughnuts (the magic is in the hole!), and found the KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD sign. After admitting defeat, we met up with my cousin Stephen and his girlfriend who both go/went to the University of Portland. They took us out to a "Portlandy" restaurant called The Irving Street Kitchen, complete with a robot-esque waitress who gushed about the "earthiness" of their Mexican truffle. As she spoke of this incredible truffle we noticed some small sparks jolting out of her butt, which further confirmed she actually was a robot. I was about to ask if she knew what the name of the chicken that they served to my cousin (also if she was treated nicely in the coop, if she was properly bathed and massaged, and if she had friends); guaranteed she would've known.

capturing the essence of beauty

finding his zen

i wore my toms shoes / because it is hipster, yeah? / this is a haiku

Mt Hood from the Japanese Gardens wawaweewaaa

order of voodoo deliciousness: view top to bottom

After that was the McMenimen's bar on 23rd. Upon entering the bar Grant realized there was a small hint of coincidence in the air. His mother’s maiden name was McMenamin! There must be a relationship! They will definitely give us free beer! Unfortunately not Grant, the bar tended mentioned that the McMenamin brothers themselves don’t drink for free (now that’s commitment to the micro brewing industry)., It was here where I discovered my favorite beer of all time – McMenamin's Ruby standard. One sip from the nice bartender (who let us try about 16 beers in cups the size of drinks you get in DC for $7) and I was in love. Its a little heavier than a typical light beer but has a crisp, hoppy taste and a subtle raspberry flavoring. This beer alone was my 5th favorite thing about Portland – I'll dream of the subtly sweet raspberry taste on my lips until I get out there again –UMM...UMM...GOOD.

Day 2 was the day of relaxation - we met up with fellow InnovationSpacer Matt for coffee at 7:30 am (!), we rode a tram to see the skyline (which has tall buildings of course, but to me, the city is really characterized by the ridgeline that the city runs right into: super tall and pointed pine trees* and houses tucked into the hill: it reminded me of Sausolito, right outside of San Francisco, or even those Italian cities on the coast, except instead of clear blue skies and soaring cliffs, there are gray Portland clouds and a never-ending pine forest. It was cool to see the city from the plane flying home and also driving into it after day 3!), and went to this little park downtown called Pioneer Square. Every brick that makes up the park's walkways have someone's name engraved in them; our guidebook told us we could find Jesus and Bilbo Baggins if we looked carefully enough (definitely didn't find them).

In Pioneer Square, there's a little ampitheater. If you stand right in the center of it and speak, you can hear yourself amplified and with an echo. The thing is, no one else can hear you. It is almost as if you are narrating the city of Portland yourself.  Its magical! We also walked around and found the Portlandia sculpture, ate at the Portland City Grill (30 stories up), and generally derped around. Grant even danced with a hobo who had some SICK dance moves!

he claims there are also otters in the duck pond...ooOOOkkkay Grant

this couldve gotten me, like, 73 likes on Insta

*The pines made everything just smell good. Walk out onto our balcony, gaze at Mt Saint Helens, breathe in the fresh mountain air and wander down to 23rd and Thurman to grab a hearty breakfast consisting of a mouth watering sweet pan chocolate or baguette from St. Honore! If that doesn't make you want to go there, then this next bit will:

DAY THREE

The 3rd day, Thursday, we grabbed our GetAround car, a little red 2013 VW GTI, and off we went to the Columbia River Gorge. Grant and I have made a summer out of seeing waterfalls and some might say that we now have O.W.D. (Obsessive Waterfall Disorder). We went to the biggest one in Virginia back in June, and then went to Great Falls, and we've seen a bunch of littler ones in between. It was perfect, then, that Oregon's biggest tourist attraction is a 630+ foot waterfall called Multnomah Falls. So maybe its touristy, but we both saw the photo of this particular waterfall way back when, and our fate had been decided: we had to go see it. It just so happens that Multnomah Falls is right off the highway, you can drive by and see parts of it from your car if you want. What's more - there are TONS of other falls, not as big but just as beautiful, also right off the very same highway. The setup couldn't have been any better. This was the day I was most excited about.

out of order, but here's the little GTI. looks like Chip only...red...gross

All set up in our little GTI, we drove us east out of Portland and got off about 40 miles later at "Historic Route 30". Right off the intersection is the Vista House at Crown Point. Its a house perched atop a cliff that looks out into the beginnings of the Columbia River Gorge (we were on the Oregon side, of course. Washington was right on the other side of the river). Its very Lord of the Rings-ish: wide river with steep mountains crashing right into it, creating a valley. We got there around noon; the fog was still hovering low to the ground and the whole thing was the perfect location for a horror movie. More on that later (wait until Ecola State Park), but keep in mind that Oregon was the location for the Ring 2 (which was NOT as good as the Ring 3, starring Emily, Caroline, Julia, and yours truly, currently on Emily's family's video camera, waiting for the world to see it).

LORD OF THE RINGS!???

i call this: iPhone, my Panoramic Journey 

We popped into the Vista House, which was made in the 1910s as a rest stop for travelers, grabbed a map of the falls ahead, signed our names to the visitors log, and headed out. A few miles down the road was another gravity defying falls known as Latourell.

impressive

Next up was Bridal Veil falls. This one required a 2/3 mile round trip walk to go see it - oh the agony! It was hard to find a place to park in the tiny parking lot right outside of it. Didn't think too much of it, though, it was a Thursday and the parking lot wasn't big [FORESHADOWING]. Onward.

Bridal Veil...psh

OBVIOUSLY we zoomed by Wakeena falls, way too excited about what was next: Multnomah Falls.

Drumroll please.

the angels are singing!

Isn't she beautiful? All 600+ feet of her. The place was just crawling with people, all craning their necks over one another to see Multnomah in her entirety. The water freefell from the top to about 500 feet and cascaded on some rocks the remaining 130+ feet. By the time the water reached the bottom it was more or less in the form of a whitish mist.  Then, we hiked a 1.25 mile to the top and got to peer over the edge. The walk was straight up hill and i went grudgingly ecstatically up it (sorry Grant heh).

the base...look how electric green everything is...no filter at all, nope, none here

Then the real fun began: up next was Oneonta Falls, which I had seen while hunting through Earth Pics one day. I read that the Falls were at the end of this gorge; you had to scramble over logs and wade through some water to get to it. Not an issue, we thought, and off we went, with Grant's expensive D7100 DSLR, GoPro, and my iPhone, which recently sat in rice for a few days.

The scramble over the logs was easy: the logs were piled up about 10 feet high and 20 feet wide, getting through was a breeze. From there, the water wasn't too high and it was easy to avoid it all together and skip from rock to rock. UNTIL…

Look its a bird! : the Grant DePhillips story

We reached the point of no return. The water ahead of us was about 4.5 feet deep - AND COLD AS FERKING ANTARCTICA IN JUNE. Since we are true adventurers we didn't give it a second thought, we took the plunge. Grant was ahead of me and getting through the icy waters like a pro, holding the backpack full of electronics above his head**, and I was 10 feet back, my life flashing before my eyes, ice crusting over my eye lashes, yelling "never let go Jack!" and then I floated away…because Jack let me go…like an IDIOT. Oops, that's a  movie. 

Don't be fooled by this smile...I have been trained to believe that with a positive attitude anything is possible....even navigating through water that was clearly 0 degrees Kelvin

SICK

Okay, so it wasn't THAT cold (yes it was) but it was over in about 15 seconds. The water opened up into the edge of the canyon, and there before us was Oneonta Falls. We might not know how to pronounce it (One-onta? Onnyenta?) but we do know that this was the second best part of the trip. The falls were probably 50 feet tall and weren't overflowing (get it?! ha?!) with people like the falls that were right off the highway. The trip back was spent GoPro-ing my arctic plunge and having to let people know about it - a bunch of older couples promptly turned around when they saw that we were soaking wet as well as shivering.

if you like being alive and adventure and stuff, please go here

the pot of gold at the end

Grant also fished a giant salamander out of the water and cradled it like it was his own child

Grant took a real liking to Horsetail Falls, my camera, however, did not. From there, we swung by a salmon hatchery, swooshed by the Bridge of the Gods, and got talked into buying fish jerky by some locals ($5 for crumbly carboardy fish…pretty sure we left it in the glove compartment of our GetAround car, oops!).

The day wasn't over yet - we sped down route 35 to hit up Mt. Hood. For Grant, being a pow pow shredding gnar steezy shib bro (his words, not mine), this mountain was his mecca. I think being there was an enlightening experience for him, as we drove away from Timberline Lodge he mentioned something about talking to a higher power? Who knows.

THE ARTISTRY!

I don't make it out to the west coast too often, so seeing Mt. Hood just rise up over everything was awe inspiring. Its massive and covered in snow - never mind it was the middle of August. We drove around it and stopped for craft brew # 2392 at a little restaurant in Zig Zag, Oregon called Skyway. Mine was an Oatmeal flavored stout and we took a recommendation from an enthusiastic local dude "YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE?!? YOU GOTTA GET THE MAC N CHEESE!!!" He was literally about to have a heart attack; he was bursting with excitement. He was right, the mac n cheese was good (bubbly cheeses with a crispy layer of bread crumbs on top), but dude, he didn't have to watch us as we ate! 

DAY FOUR

Goodbye Nancy's house, hello Cannon Beach! I'd only really heard of Cannon Beach due to a National Geographic: 100 Places to Visit that my mom gave me. Nat Geo had a picture of the beach at sunset and a short description, basically saying that Cannon Beach was a sleepy little town with a giant rock popping out of the beach. Other than that (and this is due to my lack of research too) I hadn't heard too much. Pretty glad we did though, it ended up being the best part of the trip.

The beach is about an hour and a half northwest of Portland, down a two lane, pine tree lined road. Before our eyes beheld Haystack Rock, we went to Ecola State Park and hiked around. We got there around noon and the fog still hovered close to the ground and water: very pretty but eerie. (Fun fact! Parts of the Goonies got filmed at Ecola). The first few hours at Ecola were spent exploring little trails that trickled down to secluded coves. Steep cliffs lined the edges of the coves and ensured that the soft pacific sand would not escape into the oceanic abyss. Like large pieces of an abandoned ship washed to shore after a perfect storm, tall rocks lined the beach. We used these rocks to our advantage, NOT to our disadvantage, and snapped some artsy photos on top of them. Traversing the steep trail back to the parking lot we stumbled across an park sign that mentioned an old lighthouse that can be seen from the park. An older couple was also reading the sign and nicely let us look through their binoculars at the Tillamook Lighthouse. The lighthouse sat atop a large rock a mile offshore and with it, a haunting history. Seriously, look it up, its fascinating and creepy (by the way isn't Grant a great writer??). 

wistfully gazing out to Tillamook Lighthouse

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the heavens opened up, and the beach was warm! We went from one quiet end of the park to the other active, crowded side of the park, complete with picnickers, kids wearing Pokemon shirts, dead birds, and lots of surfers. 

Ecola has a viewpoint that looks out to Haystack Rock, the aforementioned giant rock. However, from Ecola it didn't look so giant. So when we finally drove to Cannon Beach proper to simply get a glimpse of it, we were completely and utterly shocked. Its HUGE! That's what she said. 

At the base of Oregon’s steep west coast mountain range lies a long stretch of beach filled with the whitest sands you could ever imagine. Upon this beach erupts a mountainous rock known as Haystack Rock. This rock stands high and mighty as if placed on the beach by an ancient god. It stood at an enormous 250 feet tall with 100-foot tall rocks popping out around it. What's more, at low tide, all the rocks scattered around Haystack Rock become vibrant and bustling tide pools full of life and color. Bulbous orange and maroon starfish, urchins and mussels clung to the rocks, which all but disappeared when the tide rolled in. We couldn't have gotten there at a better time: we could walk all the way out and touch Haystack Rock, when the tide was in, the rock was clear out in the ocean. 

You know how we know God is a Hokie? He made these starfish orange and maroon. LOL 

eerie misty cannon beach

That visit to the rock was a late afternoon/twilight visit, complete with dinner at a restaurant that overlooked the beach. The restaurant, known as the Wayfarer, was a lovely restaurant full of oceanic décor and a nutty waiter. He was quite the skippy little fella’ who would frequently make expensive entrée and drink suggestions. However, this would not phase us as we were celebrating a special occasion (as Grant thought we would at least get some free dessert out of it). This occasion was one to be remember for the ages, it was our five month anniversary (but no free cake or brownie..CrAzY pLaCe!) and to celebrate the restaurant gave us congratulation plates! After no free dessert at the restaurant we decided to move on down to the beach for some fire/SH’mores. I promptly fell asleep when the fire got going…that seems to be a trend with me and sitting down lately (everytime I sit down I LIT’RALLY fall asleep..watchout y’all!)…but it truly was the best way to spend the last night of the trip being all wrapped up under the stars next to a fire. 

gotta love eagle scouts

well done sir...well done

DAY FIVE

Our last day of breathing in that fresh, piney, Oregon air came way too fast, and we spent the morning wallowing in our sadness over our impending flight home. By wallow, I mean that we ate bagels, bacon and bleu cheese scones, maple doughnut bars and extremely sugary espressos right on the main drag in Cannon Beach. TREAT YO'SELF. The day was already turning out to be beautiful: the day before was gray and cool, this day was a warm cloudless little bit of heaven on earth. After stuffing our faces, we hit up Haystack Rock again, enjoying it this time in a totally new light! Being the daytime, there was quite a crowd meandering around. Biologists set up shop along the beach, offering telescopes and field glasses for anyone interested in seeing all the wildlife (mainly birds) that live all over the rock. Its incredible, there are PUFFINS! Did you know: all of the birds that live on the rock typically have about 5 offspring a season, assuming only 1 or maybe 2 will make it through the winter? Puffins are different. They have one baby and the parents spend all their time making sure that little chubbly puffin baby is ready and able to take on the world alone. Thanks for the knowledge, Haystack Rock biologists! By the way, thats a dream job. We also saw a hobo looking guy flying a SICK airplane! Dipping and diving around like a puffin’ he guided that plane through the blue sky completing some amazing aerial maneuvers!

eating breakfast and reading the paper...favorite thing to do

quite a different day eh?? #1 best part of the trip

oh the scale!

daaawww

pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime

We stayed at the rock for a long time, people watching and savoring every last moment of being out west. After an unsuccessful souvenir run through town, we jumped in the GTI and sped off toward Stumptown (that's Portland YOU NOOBS!!). Went straight for 23rd (our stomping ground), grabbed some Ruby beer and giant burgers at a local McMenamin’s pub, and then, even after much prolonging, digging our feet into the ground and declaring we were never going to leave, it was time to go. Our cab driver even wanted us to stay: he inadvertently locked our luggage in the trunk and couldn't get it out for about 15 minutes. Was it destiny? Was it fate? Was it just a shitty cab? We may never know. But I believe it was a sign, a sign that one day we WILL return to the Land of Port and relieve all these amazing adventures we had and even add many more new ones. I learned a lot while in Portland. I learned that people just don’t give a ferk what color their hair is, that even hobos can dance, that Captain Crunch and bacon on a donut tastes good, and that Portland really is the city of weird. I learned that you might need to wade in the frigid waters of life to see the beauty of Oneonta Falls. I learned A LOT!!! All I want to do is learn more, see more, derp more, and explore all the WEIRD, and beautiful things that the world has to offer. (can you tell Grant wrote this? so poetic!)

massive. on the left is a sliver of the ruby beer <3

using the jaws of life to open the cab trunk

All in all...heading out there was crazy fun and I can't wait to semi spontaneously go on more. We had no agenda, no events to go to, and nothing to worry about. I'll only add this little bit of cheese in here: Thanks to Grant, this trip was just awesome. He is so easy to travel with and so fun to be around. We had the time of our lives. 

:)

**kind of like the way I always pictured Juka's parents Kuka and Zuka running down the halls of Fairfax Hospital yelling "JUKA JUKA!!" on their way to switch the hairless baby albino gorilla Juka (aka JULIA) with our wonderful, beautiful, genius new baby brother Jeffrey. He is still at the National Zoo to this day.

Fun side note: I just told Grant I was going to wake up early and go running. He answered "Yeah! And then cows will fall from the sky!" -__- womp womp